Apologize came before words, sorry for neglected you, my blog for a certain period of time.
"Busy, busy and busy life" was what I used to uttered to my friends whenever they came across asking, "Hey girl, how're you doing?"
In fact, I have been busy for nothing, nothing!
My mind wondered around and soulless all the time.
At times, "What is life about?" have been keep popping up in my mind.
"What are human being after for?" is one of my booby thought.
Money? Love?
Friendship? Family?
My Life
I want to live my life to the fullest, can't I?
I want to be a happy soul, can't I?
I just want to be happy all the time, can't I?
I desire a life with no worries, possible?
I wish to meet people around with my poker face, am I capable to?
I love seeing people around me smiling everyday, it's hard isn't it?
My Study
I wanted to concentrate on my study, but ended up I'm loitering around, spending my leisure time hanging on useless stuff.
I promised myself no more last-minute work, in the end?
I kept telling myself, "Start your revision now!", but.. but piles of events are coming one after one, what shall I do?
Tons of assignments is pushing me kinda hard, where my laziness kept procrastinate it almost to the due date, I loathe myself for being such a way.
My Family
No doubt that recently I spent a lesser time being with you all, I'm sorry.
Turning a cold shoulder towards me ain't a good solution, too, ain't it?
It drives me nuts whenever you tried to bear all the sufferings and pressure on your tiny shoulder but in fact, those additional is actually none of your business, stop worrying over that alright?
Stop pretending that there seems to be many worries floating on your mind.
Stop letting your mind leads you around, and please, please avoid turning a deaf ear over a conversation. It hurts!
My Society
"Oh wow! Awesome, your calender is always fully reserved! Lists of appointment awaits you!"
Joining too many clubs and society is a way of being healthy, ain't it?
However, there comes the consequences as well, pressure... pressure and pressure keep pushing me up to the highest boiling point. I can hardly stand it anymore.
My Job
The working time isn't match with mine, either way.
Stop thinking about the little sum of wages, I told myself, and pushed myself hard whenever my alarm knocks me for working time.
My Leisure Time
I enjoyed being with you.
But I can't, for tons of tons of reasons.
I wanna be with you.
But I can't, again, due to several reasons.
I wanna love you.
But I can't, freedom loves me more than I do.
Being cold and being emotional, that's me.
Preferable to be left alone, that's me.
Wanting to travel down the road by myself, that's me.
Wishing to gain more conscious, slap me and wake me up please.
I'm sorry for everything, whichever done or undone, forgive me.
Since the day we met, I'm no longer being myself, not anymore.
I've changed, I've transformed, neither to the positive nor to the negative side.
I was lost, for the sake of searching back the real me.
What is life for??
Are we study hard duly in obtaining a piece of certificate? What next?
Are we working hard in order to get a stable financial support? What next?
Are we mixing around in order to rapport a good relationship?
Are we living for the purpose of living?
Having a hectic life too??
Hitting a pause, slow down your step, lay back and starting thinking of what you want and wish to achieve.
At times, we tend to lost ourselves after doing routines task.
Are you tired? Are you lost, too?
Well then.... Its ok for not being able to love me at this moment... but please dont keep on putting pressure on yourself ok?
Studies is to increase our knowledge not for that piece of cert, working harder is to gain experience not for a stable financial support, mixing around is to enlarge our network not to rapport a good relationship k?
We are living to do this several things which u taught me when we 1st met.
We must 孝顺父母, Live up a life which we respect ourself 1st, change our environment starting by changing ourself for an example, want to see people around u smiling, then u have to smile 1st.
For my reason now to live is:
孝顺父母, Help my family from its crisis or leave all those good memories with my family member,
Love my lover/soul mate to the max where i will have no regret when death do us apart.
Get my career done stable and good for a secure future for my own family, After that will be taking good care and nurturing my children until they are able to stand on their own, last and most least to accompany my wife till death do us apart.
Well its more dull but in that dull life... we can make it a wonderful and colourful one...
If pressure compiles in the below chapter please don't continue read it just ignore...
So u said u got so much reasons for unable to be loving with the person u really feel its nice to be with for these few months...
Question for you to think owh...
Why are you still being with him now? Is it because you are afraid to lose him coz you've already fallen in love with him? And why is he still doesn't give up after u told him all the problems?
He is very understanding and willing to help you face all types of problems in the future, this is not known as relying if u accept his help, its just an opinion acceptance, if u don't accept the idea at least u can generate your own idea out of his when u face a problem? He did told you right? He'll be there for you all the time.. When problem comes discuss with him,
He will never be busy because he always told her that 行者不忙,忙者不行.
The Chinese phrase is something he'd use up 2 years to understand and to apply it in his life, so if u don't understand its acceptable k?
Well them after the lecturing here is something he'd already told you for a long time. And he want to remind you all the time...
I know you can do it. Jia you Jia You Jia YOU!!!
Please don't over stress yourself know your limit and control them don't just keep on forcing yourself k?
Wow, the friend above there is really superb! He told you 80% exactly which I wanna tell you now... :)
Well, you are still in your learning stage, and the most important thing for you is, you are still young!!! Being young is good, and it is a chance for you to learn more in your life, right here right now!!!
Don't be so negative-thinking all the while, try to be a positive thinker... Whenever there is a will, there is a way for you... Am I right?
What is life all about? It is about you!!! Focus on what you are doing in your current life, and don't hesitate to ask someone for their opinions... Keep on going without any hesitation, you will find your life very meaningful and challenging!
Get yourself a diary to write down the aim for your life, and I mean your life right now is 3 -5 years ahead, don't aim too much yet, just keep on focus on what you can achieve in these few years... When you have targets, or any aims, go for them! If you have doubts, just ask someone around you... I'm sure I can be a listener or give you some guidance whenever you need me...
Cheer up girl! What is life about? Calm down, don't think too much, just calm down, and think ahead with positive mind... Sooner or later, you will find your life very meaningful...
Well, perhaps I'm not so close with you yet, but in the mean time, what I can see from you is, I know you can do it. Impossible, this word will not exist in our "DICTIONARY", but "I'M POSSIBLE" will exist and shine! You can do it! Have faith and give some confidence for yourself, okay?
Cheers~~~
I believe everyone will go through this situation in someday.
This is part of the life, part of the process of becoming an adult.
Trust me, everything will be fine later.
Just relax yourself and try to release the negative force that found inside your body, mind maybe :P
Suggest to you, take a day rest, a true rest that you are totally free, free of pressure and interference from anyone.
JUst a short and quick 1....
No need to think of anything...when times come solution will be there....
Concentrate on wat u r doing now......study 1st the rest last....
Sometimes sacrifice needed in order to gain something....^^..take care...i'm so blur now...bb...continue my preparation for midterm that start in 2 hours time..= =
Gokuzai,
Thanks for your detailed comment, analysis and suggestions. It helps a lot, but I need to think twice for every decision that I am making.
Cheers, too.
Akira,
The quote of turning "Impossible" into "I'm possible" is kinda general nowadays. 3 of my friends has been keep telling me this in a week's time. LOL
Zack,
Agreeable, this is the necessary stage which everyone must passes through. Hm...how should I be convinced that everything's gonna be fine later if we're just sitting there but with no actions taken? There must be at least someone to figure things our one by one, ain't it? =)
MystDidi,
This is the first comment dropped by you. Hehe! *Proud*
"When times come solution will be there"...This sounds really easy, huh?
Study first, yea, I am doing it now. So what are the rest?
I know what you've been sacrificing in order to gain something back on hand. *Ngek Ngek*
I really want to print this post out and read it again and again in order to motivate myself too. I love it.
The Leisure time was the most interesting! It sounded like you're waiting to be with someone so badly,hehehe!
Don't lose hope. Things don't pay off early, but they will.
Nathary,
seriously this post motivated you?
Glad hearing that, it should be a compliment to me. *blushed*
About the Leisure time, I was waiting for the right time to come. However, things did not go as smooth as we assumed. Since I've tried it out, and things doesn't worked out as I wished and thought, why should I give it another second try, sounds losing hope, isn't it? =)