mixed

Finally....i'm a step closer to a working adult, good news announcing that I've completed my study, yea...Degree study. At this moment I'm still waiting for the release of my results, absolutely I hope that I can get it all pass and kick start with my working life.

Human being is unique, especially if we were to compare between genders, a female and a male. Female, who are keen on expressing out themselves externally, they love sharing, caring and they will be speaking up their minds no matter they are upset or in cloud nine. Probably at times they prefer nagging, raving....just as simple as puking out tons of their thoughts, all and all they need is that someone lay back comfortably and listen to them. However, male who are not keen on expressing themselves, instead they prefer locking up their thoughts in their deepest heart without letting anyone to reveal their secret. Sharing is meaningless, that's what agreed by most of the males.

My mood swings, ups and downs just like a roller coaster, I couldn't help myself but just forced to stay on it. I'm too emotional to judge, to calm myself. A minute ago I was laughing out loud and a minute later; I might be crying helplessly. You might be questioning whether am I insane yet? No, I'm fine....just like any ordinary girl, all I need is only your concentration of listening to what I am or I will be saying. Simple tho?

All the above are just from my point of view. No hard-feeling and it doesn't represent anyone's stand. :)

17082011

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简单不过的牢骚篇

最近

灿烂的笑容已离我远远的
眉头总是紧绷着
心事也渐渐地变成负担，压力

烦恼。。。
有人说，烦恼是掌握在自己的掌心里
当你觉得累时，痛时，就会松开你的掌心
毫无顾虑地，放开了一切

是你不够了解我？
还是你并没有把你的在乎给现出来？
糊涂的我，怎么也没发现
我们的距离是否变得越来越远？
还是，我们的性格原本就是来自两个不同的世界？

是爱犯了错么？
野蛮的我，固执的我。。。。
坚持相信我们是有未来的
只好不停地，默默地，给自己加油和鼓励！

加油！


与大家，
共勉之

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Process of Learning

Firstly, please do not take everything for granted!!! Process is still proceeding as we grow, day by day, year by year and occasion by occasion. Process is a must, as well as a path for us to grow maturity, catch up and be stronger than before. Question: Am I a failure in certain area??? I'd have my palm on heart and say it loud, "I'm good but still I can do better than this!"

Friendship...we are all surrounded by friends, which mean for those whom either you knew them or you did not, they are considered as your friend, at least, a hi-bye friend? I'm keen on making new friends, especially those across the boundary, which I am really proud of myself, frankly. =)

However, certain friendship will not be lasting...things just carry on that way, I'm not bothered to change anything or advise anything.... As if that friendship worth it, I might consider doing so.

Bravery...I wished that I can conquer my level of bravery in future. Receiving feedback commenting that I was brave in making certain decisions and I gained their respect. I must thank to those who commented, I know who you are. =) However, for things which I am very clear with or should I say as I am confident with, I will be very brave, even braver than other. If I were to put into a black box loaded with questions mark, as you know, lacking of confidence might degraded you and ended up things got done in a lousy and timid way. Let's take up that processes and challenges and paint it into another colorful piece of artwork, shall we?

Supporters are there, I know who you are. =) I'm just blog to cool myself. I hope that whenever I read this entry in the future, or for those who read it, may get the courage and braveness to keep your life going on, get fully re-charged whenever you are feeling down or lack of confident. =)

Let's work it out together!!! =)

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Everything fingers crossed

Kicking start it off with a simple Hi to all of you! I'm not going to explain further for my missing-in-action (MIA) for a few months as I will keep on throwing tons of excuses and bet they'll gonna bored you till the maximum. =)



Still, I'm furthering my study, estimating that I will be graduating end of this year, praying hard for everything went on smoothly (fingers crossed). Just like everyone else, first thing first, definitely I will get myself a job, this is what we called as life cycle isn't it, agree?

Realizing that I'm slowly growing towards the superstitious mindset, whenever obstacles occur, obviously I'll put the blame on the bad year of my zodiac. Who knows how many percent of it goes to true instead of false? Throughout months, I observed and I learned; being polished by the environmental forces which had already shaped and transformed me into another brand new me, perhaps more on my thoughts and actions.

Conflicts and politics are the essential issue which will exist at anywhere, everywhere as long as there lives people. We tends to link up conflicts with another word - tired, am I right? Obviously not physically but mentally. People around might be the one who suffers more than those who are already involved in the circle of conflicts.


Management, is another heavy word which commonly spoken by business field managers as well as among employers. So as conclusion, do you manage your boss or your boss manage you? I came across this book when I visited to the bookstore, "It's not how good you are, It's how good you want to be" - by Paul Arden. What a good quote as well as book title, unfortunately I did not grab myself one, bet I will own it sooner or later.

Communication, is another skills which requires tons and tons of practices. As the quote sounds "Practice makes perfect", but I used to tease my friend by saying "as no one is perfect, so why do you still practice?" (just kidding!!!) We learn as we move on, and we still learn when we are growing, and we will still be learning when we are aging...learning never ends.


Disaster......beforehand, I'd like to pray hard for those whoever stay in Japan, including my host family, my hosting Lions Club as well as my host sister, praying hard for their safety and everything. Same goes to everyone else out there, please appreciate everyone around you especially your loved one. We wont know when the world is going to end, so let's make use of our day, make use of every hours, every minutes and every seconds.

By gones....I forgive, but I will never forget. Fresh memories stay with me for the entire lifetime. =)
Trust me, I am putting my very best foot forward on every single task that I involved in. Praying for a better tomorrow, always.

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Take it easy

Life can be indeed very challenging; however it can be the other way round. I used to think that the everything doesn't work fairly when I met up with obstacles, when things do not work out as smoothly as I wished it would be. There seems to be various ways for different people at different situation to express their anger, or perhaps their depression. How about me? Absolutely I have my own way to. Sometimes I prefer to take a breezy walk along the beach; sometimes I do Blog; or I might be texting with my buddy to vent, and so on.

Will it sound so silly to roll down your tears whenever you're not in the mood? Some might agree but some might not. I personally will not be standing on both parties, instead I'd voice out it depends on what situation is actually going on. The only explanation is, I belong to this group of people, I myself, a person who might be classified as timid but brave at times; labeled as being happy-go-lucky but getting into depression too easily.

I do not get bothered on how would my readers feel after reading this post, BUT the only thing I am going to say is I AM HERE FOR VENTING! Please stop it now if you are worrying that I might be doing sort of silly stuff. I am thankful for everything as long as I am still healthy alive right now and still be able to blog. Great Enough.

I have been procrastinating my new blog entry on introducing my trip to Japan as a Youth Exchange Student. Swear that I really love and enjoy sharing things out, BUT BUT but...put the blame on blogger homepage where we are only allowed to upload 5 of our photos each time; unlike Facebook where we can create our photo album and upload as much as 200 photos freely and instantly by just a few clicks. Admitting that I might be slightly slobby, I will try my very best to click on "New Post" whenever I stick my ass on the desktop chair.

Now, I am going to name this entry as "Take it easy". Take my advise, whenever you are or wherever you are, takes thing as easy and as simple as you can. Life will be much more better if you are taking them on the positive side and not to be influenced by those negative thoughts.

Happy belated V-day to all of you.

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value the value beneath

Holding a book titled 'tuesday with Morrie', a birthday pressie
Bookmark placed on page 157 half way of the stories
Yet lot of values I learned from previous pages
Regrets, Death, Family, Money, Forgiveness and etc...

Remembering once I was truly deeply disappointed over someone
Being cheated, trustworthy was torn
Fragile heart broken into pieces
Friends...Family...were among those who offered me warmth hands

Wondering...how many 10 years will be left in our life? 10 times? or 20?
Effort taken approximately 1 year for us to make new buddy
Effortless taken approximately 1 day to chase away an old buddy
How many true buddy will you be having after 20 years?

Positive regret causes beautiful remark, I strongly and always believe in
Remarks will turned nice if we're sincerely sorry over something which done wrongly
Ugly remarks will be leftover if we do not even realize our own mistakes
Life's short, I suppose every author emphasizes on it

Imagine how wonderful if you learn how to spell 'regret' & 'sorry' by heart
Money isn't essential but friendship is, do not chase away your friend day by day
People will forgive but they will never forget the scar carved
Stop acting as if a Kiddo, be a man and face reality

If possible, please grab 'tuesday with Morrie' by Mitch Albom
Either for your own sake, your family or whoever
Good karma goes after good people, bear in mind
Start to appreciate your friends instead of turning them down one by one...
All the best, that's what I'd like to convey to you...

PS: If you are reading this, please refresh yourself...you know who you are...

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breathe

what if there's a lot of what ifs
what if tomorrow i would never be awake
what if i couldn't breathe out in a sudden
what if I lost my directions to discontinue my dream

darkness, is really terrifying me
been thinking through those what ifs...
what kind of solutions, problems, outcomes and so on...
only if I can control things within palms

repeating to question myself that...
am I making things worst
probably I'm a problem creator
probably my emo mode has never been switched off

how long can you live?
once I was asked by my teacher
I stunned, not fear to it but was thinking thoroughly
it counts on the breathe...

please appreciate those people around you
they are just adorable and perfectly perfect to fit in
all the best and wishing everyone merry x'mas

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空

请原谅我，最近都比较忙些课业之余，还忙搞活动，在学院参与了团体，所以上来部落各的时间就自然而然减少了少许。

这个学期里，该忙的都在忙着，生活中偶然难免有低潮，但，这些都是难免的吧？
学业上所承受的压力；活动上所面对的挫折；朋友之间的摩擦；交际上的沟通言语等等，都让我觉得很困惑，不知所措。

能解决的问题就理所当然不再是问题，那如果是无法解决的呢？懦弱的我会选择逃避，把头永远永远藏在乌龟壳里，更好的是不要把头抬起来了。很懦弱吧？ 也或许藏到我觉得是时候解决了，那我也许会被迫硬着头皮去找答案吧。

记得之前一段时间，问过我的麻吉，“如果心灵上累了，该怎么冲刺？” 她给了我很多很多解决方法。 真的真的心灵上，觉得好累，不管是面对事物，人类都好，一切都觉得很假想很虚假，师父说，当多接触佛法后，就会了解一切既是‘空’，或许现在的我处于烦恼之中，需要时间来磨练吧。

拥有；失去， 是俩相反的东西。我珍惜我所拥有的一切，但，更害怕失去一切，这也许是人的贪念吧？属于你的始终会归于你，不是你的，再怎么留也只不过是个’空’。

华语的确比较好表达，但，也会把我的心情拉到最低点，我们应该开开心心面对一切不是吗？

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Ferris Wheel

A Ferris Wheel also known as observation wheel or big wheel, according to Wikipedia.
(Picture from Wikipedia)

In this era, who doesn't know what ferris wheel is? Well, no offense. In case you don't, take a quick peep at the picture below.

Whenever I look at Ferris Wheel at funfair, it will reminisce me of the past, or reflecting at our life. We felt excited when we first stepped into the cubical cars; and we are eager to reach up to the highest point and observe things that has slowly became a tiny one where we are beyond everyone else, and soon...we slowly slip down after spending 1 big and complete round in our small cubical.

That kind of sensations is difficult to be expressed out in words, something like...smooth and yet nervous, excited and yet afraid and so on... Ever wonder why Ferris Wheel doesn't turn anti-clockwise? It applies the similar theory in life, we hardly having a 'U-turn' in life, or so called 'reversing'. As the quote sounds, let bygones be bygones, what is done is done. Don't ever complain life's so cruel so mean to each of us, but if it's not, why is it calling life?

Nothing's perfect, yes indeed it's true. But, we are practicing towards a perfectionist, ain't we?
Appreciate for whatever or whoever you're having now, will ya?

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不 完整的旋律

歌曲 音乐 旋律

回忆 想念 忘怀 心痛 惋惜
解脱 回想 甜蜜 恐惧

时间 空间 了解
记忆 跳动 脑海 清晰
拥抱 舞步 运动

坚强 疲累 脆弱
休息 遥远 支撑 烦恼
分担 崩溃 累垮

无知 稳中 成熟
安慰 躲避 支持 关心
失落 迷茫 沉重

完美 不 完美

这是我在此部落格的全新尝试。母语-简略、容易表达（字眼表达得清晰又准确）。由于我的华语比较弱，因此，我引用了以上的字眼来表达我，此刻复杂又沉重的心情。偶尔把事情想得太简单，其实它并不简单；偶尔把事情想得复杂，但它其实很简单。随着音乐的波动，回忆不断地浮现在脑海中，坚强的外壳也总有累垮的一刻。

人，总有低落的时候；
时间，是最好的解药、最好的治疗；
空间，是给于我呼吸的氧气；
音乐，陪伴我度过甜、酸、苦、辣；
部落格，是我唯一告解的对象；
游泳，是我发泄的方法；
拥抱，是安慰及支持的表示；
你温暖的怀抱，是我累垮的避风港、我的依靠。

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Give me a break!

Human...we often heard friends around raving and complaining on how busy they are, how much effort they put on something they felt it's worth doing so, and so on. Well, actually, do they hit a pause and think of why are they so into those stuff? What are they busy for? And why are they busying with it? And what are the main purposes of the word 'busying' goes on?

At times, I tend to get my life on the go and working so damn hard to keep myself as busy/hardworking as a bee. And right now, I've come to the point, I try hitting the break pedal, and questioning myself, what do I actually gain from all those activities that I've been busying for? In conclusion, I've been blindly busying for it, whenever an activity ends, I feel proud of achieving and done with it; but do I ever learn something from the particular activity? The answer is so clear where I would never answer a Yes to it. I never look into the activity, or should I say reviewing on the past events, but instead, we tend to carry on and on...until the day where we started to realize what we've been busying for is actually for a Nothing.

That is why the decision has came to my mind, well...don't be surprised, don't be freaked off, yes I'm gonna quit from my part-time job, resigning from the voluntary society that I've been joining, and concentrating purely on my study. The reason behind is, I really need a break! Break! Break, it provides me the rooms for further improvements, it allows me to review myself in enhancing my skills or personality, it gives me the spare time to spend with my family and my dearest, it gives me time to think of what I'm gonna do next. It sounds so wonderful with the word Break, isn't it?

Sounds funny? Not at all.
Well, I know some of you might disagree with my statement above, anyhow, you are welcome to leave any comments.


Jesyca will be right back, after the Break! =)

PS: Have a break, have a Kit-Kat

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Do you worth it?

Hi folks, another casual post from me again. I'm gonna blurt up my thinking about Friends. Well, I am convinced that each and everyone of us does need friends around, and we do enjoy being around with friends, am I right? Remember when we were young, how innocent and how cute of us who used to follow the culture input by the adults - we shake our hands when making friend with another before introducing. Sooner, this culture has been adopted by each of us, and we practice it every single time when we are meeting new friends.

As time flies, we started to learn from our mistakes, absorb the gist or the moral of our stupidity, and we try to avoid repeating the exact mistake again when we were put into the similar shoe. Or in short, our brain has begun to differentiate between true and false, black and white, and good or bad. The quote where we commonly shared among 'don't judge a book by its cover', well, I believe in this and I vow I am putting my best foot forward in implementing it on my routines. Whenever I meet up with someone or should I class him/her as stranger (at the first point), and my brain cells start working already - observation. No doubt, I am pretty sure that I am treating every friends of mine the exact way, no bias. (Probably I might be bias once a while, and sorry for that, no offense)

As a human, we own the ability to think wisely. After mixing with the bunch of friends for quite sometime, we are able to judge and do the classification by our own self, with or without sharing them out. However, in reality....nothing goes as perfect as you wished, things might be out of track, things might turn you down badly. Betraying, accusing, lies, back-stabbing and etc will soon be revealed out, and by the time you found it out, and peeling the lies in between as if layer by layer, it hurts you badly, ain't it? For me, yes, it will. At this point, if accusing has come to the picture, what am I gonna do next? Fight back? Explaining a millions of time? Remain silent? Let it be? Well, I will stick back to my own philosophy, if that particular friend (the accuser) worth it, never mind if I am to explain it either a millions or a thousands of time to make things crystal clear; if vice versa, then I will just remain silent and let it be, because he/she does not worth to be bothered at all!

I set it clear in my mind, I observed before I classify. (Please do not confuse yourself, I do not classify but I am observing when I first met with the new friend, I started classifying after mingle around for a certain period) 'A friend in need is a friend indeed' - means a true friend who comes to your aid when you're in difficulties. There are various types of friend, some are true and sincere friend, some are just exploiting, some are making fool of you, some are just good at crapping around, some are darnly good at 'acting', some are expertise in twisting facts around, some are purely for mixing around and so on... My advice is, be wise! The surface never reveal everything, everything.
PS: So peeps, what is your opinion or your own philosophy in making a friend?

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A letter to Daddy and Mummy

A letter dedicated to my parents. I am deeply sorry for my rebellant behavior.


Dear Daddy and Mummy,

When I was in Diploma
I promised,
I would study hard
I would not disappoint you
And yes, I did it!

Currently
I'm in my Degree Level
Similarly
I promised, again
I will study hard
I will never disappoint you

Daddy never ground me intentionally
Daddy never force me doing things which I don't want to
Daddy never give up on me, not even a second

Mummy's love is always the warmest
Mummy's care never ends
Mummy's heart is pounding for her kids

In Daddy and Mummy's heart, we (already an adult) always stay as a kid no matter how old we are. To them, we, as if we never grown up. They care, they nurture, and they concern us at every single moment. Their worries will never stop. At times, when we go further down, we tend to forget we still have our parents around us. Reflection, again Daddy reminded me of that. I've been putting too much effort on social networking, where I tend to neglected my studies and my family.

Well, my first tear rolled down, for the sake of I deeply love my Daddy and Mummy. When my second tear rolled down, I recalled how bad things turned out when I neglected them, for not accompanying them during the weekends and the only family day which normally falls on the Sunday. My tears burst out after I hugged Daddy for his heart-to-heart talk with me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for reminiscing me for the valued things which I have been holding on my palms - my family, my siblings, and my love.

I love you so!

Always Daddy and Mummy's girl,

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Don't squeeze me!

fortunate for who we are

being protected, under one roof
a friend in need is a friend indeed
the family shelter will not last forever
the one long lasting might be our sincere friends

hitting the age, exposing to the real and yet cold world
experiences shall be gained throughout times
the ambiance naturally is neither friendly nor cool
the backstabbers are those managed to survive
we are taught and shaped in order to strive for own selves

procrastination disease in studies has knocked me down finally
tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow I whispered
endless tomorrow seems to put me right in guilt
different practices amongst has indirectly contributing to obstacles
toleration is the way of how a TEAM is born

"If life gives you lemon, made a lemonade"
true and precise quote indeed, hands on for agreeing
expecting more from the subordinates and yet unwilling to pay extras
demanding, controlling, monitoring and doubting
Hence, I learn, adapt and change the way I used to think

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Shoo Away

stop it, stop bothering where nonsense thoughts are popping up
shoo them all away!
matters are perceived differently, by the intelligence, the thinkers and the criticizers
communication could be the biggest barriers between the groups
variation of culture practices could either be one of them, too
people comes, people goes
the people whom someone might have been waiting for the entire life
is it their Mr. Right or Ms. Right, they kept wondering days and nights
building bond from a stranger into someone important is neither an easy task nor a 1-day-task
'happily forever' has became the dream where everyone after it
those achievers can be numerical counted when 'how many' question arises
defining reality as cruel and bloody is indeed the unchangeable fact
for you and I, we can hardly deny the fact although we hoped it is not
understanding, keeping the pace a step closer could be the efficient step that should be considered
listening are far away more important than merely hearing - "I am hearing but I might not listening"
pounding heart, moving motions, sensitive intuition are all working fine
self-questioning continuously but without a clear outcome
for the reason why the teary heart isn't working fine

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A Foe or A Friend?

A Foe or A Friend?

Helping others voluntary, a friend
Backstabbing others consciously, a foe
Should the phenomena goes in such way?
Classifying a person into the groups of 2

Undecidable through looking at the surface
Undetermined after knowing one for years
Unbelievable for the rumors spreading around
Shall we let the cats out of the bag, anyone?

I am...
Standing motionless, staring helplessly
Hoping for a sense of brightness
Pulling me out from the cave of backstabbers
Surviving for the sake of humanity, not cruelty

read more “A Foe or A Friend?”

Are we still friends?

Well...this question has been playing in my mind for quite some time. Are we still friends?
Being friends, no doubt, friends can be classified into different types and groups. I have been treating *Alice into my Best Friend group, however; at times *Alice treated in a cold way as a return. Wondering why and I could not stop myself from questioning myself why is that so?

I met *Alice in my college, well...such a coincident and thanks to another particular friend where me and *Alice were introduced to each other and somehow became friends before proceeding into the so-called "best friends" group. The age varies definitely did not stop us from building the bonds.

Should I care when *Alice treats me in such a cold way? *Alice did not keep an eye-contact with me anymore even though she used to. What more...she even answered my open-ended question with an answer merely as short as a 'yes' or 'no'. Comparing the the past, *Alice will absolutely having the endless chat with me when I threw her a simple question like 'How are you, dude?'

You know what? I was totally depressed when I knew about it. I hardly convinced myself into believing this cruelty she has just created. Should I be informed what is reason behind the act? Treating her as a friend from the top of my heart...but what do I received as a return? Well...I do care, yes I do! I do not mind if you just ignore me and walk away from my life but please give me a sufficient and convincing reason, at least one of it although it might be just a lame excuse.












I do care, my friend!
All of all is because you're worth to be a best friend!

*Alice - Names changed prior to privacy

read more “Are we still friends?”

Bleeding Love-Leona Lewis; Sad Promises-Davichi

I'm guilty (Guilty - Blue)

You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon (Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera)
I see the sparkle of million flashlights (Touch My Hand - David Archuleta)
But the one that's shinning out so bright (Touch My Hand - David Archuleta)
Is the one right where you are (Touch My Hand - David Archuleta)
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven (Shane Ward - No Promises)
With you by my side I will fight and defend (Keep Holding On - Avril Lavinge)

No matter what I do (Dilemma - Nelly)
I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling (A Twist In My Story - Secondhand Serenade)
I can't speak I'm starring at perfection (Stranger - Secondhand Serenade)
All I think about is you (Dilemma - Nelly)
Lying here with you (I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin Mccain)
Listening to the rain (I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin Mccain)
Smilin just to see The smile upon your face (I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin Mccain)

For the very first time with you My heart melted to the ground (Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis)
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town (You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift)
I'm confident But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you (Stranger - Secondhand Serenade)
I knew you could see right through me (Stranger - Secondhand Serenade)
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence (A Twist In My Story - Secondhand Serenade)
I said Te Amo, wouldn't somebody tell me what she said (Te Amo - Rihanna)
Think it means I love you (Te Amo - Rihanna)
All the love we made can never be erased (Never Be Replaced - 1st Lady)

"I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free When life gets the best of me
I just think of you” (Think of you - Tata Young)
Ain't no other man it's true (Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera)
Ain't no other man but you (Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera)

We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now (Realize - Colbie Caillat)
Just, stay strong (Keep Holding On - Avril Lavinge)
For the good times through the bad times (Think Of You - Tata Young)
I just think of you (Think Of You - Tata Young)

“Just another lesson to be learned
Gotta move on and not lose faith
Just another obstacle to take
Live my life before it gets too late
I won't give up I won't stay down
This is what life's worth living for
I still believe in love
I'm holding the warmth of your lips It feels like the time we first kissed
When all of the stars lined up for us” (Still Believe in Love - Jenny Hyun)

There's only one thing to do Three words for you I Love You (1234 - Plain White T's)
I never want to play the games that people play (Guilty - Blue)
I'm here for you (Keep holding on - Avril Lavinge)















Kiss The Rain
Click Here! (Video for Kiss The Rain by Yiruma)


PS: There's only one thing to do Three words for you I Love You (1234 - Plain White T's)

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